A Cycle of Spiritual Evolution
 
If a "funk" was  an actual thing, I'd describe it as a sneaky little critter that possesses the ability to seduce you into a depressed state of mind without you even knowing you were "depressed".  If a "funk" was a location, I'd describe it as a dismal, dark valley with terrain that made it challenging to escape.

In actuality, I have found a "funk" to be something very distinct to me and my state of mind. Quite honestly, for me, a "funk" is an emotional manifestation of a spiritual complacency in my life. I have noticed that when I am at a standstill in my relationship with God, I am most vulnerable to points of low moral and dampened spirit. What do I mean by this? Well, I'm glad you asked, lol.

Intimacy
 In my opinion, as we live our lives in an attempt to walk with God, oftentimes we do so in cycles. Sometimes we find ourselves in the cycle of intimacy. In this stage, we have a longing and yearning to be closer to God and the things that matter most to Him.

We have a mind to be more thoughtful of our neighbors and fellowman. We tend to be more patient and less critical of others. In addition, we are more likely to be more introspective, which makes it easier for us to work on becoming better people. Ultimately, I believe this stage is set for us to grow, mature, and evolve into a person we can be proud of. In this cycle, we tend to be optimistic, energetic, and innovative.

 Cocky
This brings us to the next cycle, the Cocky stage. In this stage, we feel confident that we are in a good and safe place with God, making us more susceptible to self deception. The self deception is the myth that we no longer have to do all of the things we did in the previous stage to maintain a healthy relationship with our Creator.

In the church community, you might hear people refer to the intimacy cycle with disparaging remarks like "It don't take all that" or they may refer to people who pursue intimacy as "being too deep." The knowledge, insight, personal growth, and revelation we gained in the previous stage is the premise for arrogance to blossom.

However, when this stage comes up, the true test is to determine whether to recognize it and resist high-mindedness or to blindly fall into the snare. During this cycle, we find ourselves feeling self righteous, and more permissive to do and experience things more freely.

In addition, we begin to judge others more harshly, believing we are the sole authority on what pleases God because we believe we were previously in a place that was considered "good standing ."

Funk
After sojourning in the land of self deception, we arrive at the last and final cycle, the Funk.  The Funk occurs almost  by osmosis. We don't feel it coming, nor do we see the progression of it's impending arrival. We just look up one day and we are in a Funk.

I believe the most disturbing thing about a Funk is its lulling effect. Its so soothingly painful, which makes it that much harder to abandon. At this point, we are doing good if we are just maintaining a quick acknowledgement of our Creator some time throughout the day. This often comes in the form of a morning greeting, a meal time blessing, or a quick night time prayer.

Suddenly, God seems so far away; but our own deception will often never allow us to admit it. We tend to believe we can manage just fine where we are. I find that this deficient state ushers in confusion, irritability, discontentment, and loneliness. At this point, our behavior is far more permissive and we have very little constraint when it comes to doing whatever we want to do.

Where Does This Leave Us?
Eventually, the hunger, disorientation and longing for soundness and peace of mind will become so great that it chases us right back into the arms of a loving and waiting Father. But of course, God already knows that we will come running back.

With open arms, He is waiting and eager for our arrival. Why? Because even though we felt alone, He never left after all. So, after all is said and done, we begin the process of spiritual evolution all over again. Right back at the stage of intimacy. Oh, what a lovely stage it is. Glad to be back.

Photo credit:  http://flic.kr/p/LGkmL

Mommy Overload? 5 Tips to Simplify Your Life

Mommy Overload? 5 Tips to Simplify Your Life

An Unconventional Honor

Mother's Day is a holiday that most people look forward to each May. It has been touted as a day to commemorate the sacrifices, commitment, and dedication mothers have sown into the lives of their children since the moment of conception. An aura of nobility and respect is the precursor to this age old celebration; and with it brings a distinct anticipation of obligated glory.

 Less Than Ideal
However, what is a child to do when their mother is not a deserving recipient of such honor and adoration? What about the men who were not allowed to be "sons" because their single mothers placed them in the awkward position of being their caregivers, support systems, and substitute-husbands (in support only, nothing gross)? Why should these men celebrate the woman they call Mom? And what about the little girls who grew up under the constant judgement and criticism of a mother who only saw a reflection of her own shortcomings and inadequacies in the reflection of her daughter's eyes. How can these women show up emotionally with integrity, to pay homage to the mother who shaped them into the broken images they are today? These scenarios are not found in the greeting card aisle. There are no plaques that read " Thanks for Being a Crappy Mom, But I Love You Anyways." There are no balloons that announce, " You Screwed Up My Life, But I'm Over It."

Why Bring It Up?
I broach this subject for a specific reason; not because I had a crappy mother ( I didn't); not because I hate Mother's Day (I don't); not even because I'm trying to deliver a cryptic message to someone in particular ( I'm not). I bring up this topic for one simple reason; I simply want to know why the kids of "troubled" mothers should celebrate Mother's Day.

 

Adult Children
After many discussions with friends and strangers, alike, I have come to the conclusion that most adult children have some form of issue with their upbringing. Interesting enough, these issues always seem to peak around the 2nd Sunday of each May. According to the adults I've spoken to, the pressure to perform or capitulate to the notions or ideals spelled out in a Mother's Day greeting card can be overwhelmingly obnoxious and insulting; leaving the child with feelings of shallowness and resentment towards their mothers.

The Best I Can Do
 I will be the first to admit that my upbringing was no "bed of roses" and my relationship with my mother has had some rough patches at times. However, as I grew in maturity with my own children, I realized what it meant to be a great mom who has the esteem and admiration of my children. In addition, I also realized how impossible it is to be a "perfect" mom. The only thing I can do is my very, very best. And guess what? That level of effort is able to communicate to my children just how committed I am to them. Coming into the knowledge that I can only do my very best has allowed me to come to grips with my upbringing and forgive my mother for her own shortcomings a little more because, in her eyes, she was only doing the best she could with the knowledge she had.

Moving On
 In my opinion, each individual deserves an excellent quality of life, especially in the realm of emotions and relationships. With this said, how should  kids of "flawed mothers" commemorate Mother's Day? I think the following suggestions are great reasons to celebrate this holiday in however way  you see fit as well as   start the relationship anew, if possible:

• Acknowledge the one thing Mom did right. Though she may have had the choice to abort your, she decided to bring you into this world instead of erasing you as a "mistake". Without her commitment to give birth to you, there would be no you. She deserves appreciation for choosing to give you life.

• Though your relationship with your mother is not perfect, or maybe not even ideal, find 3 good things she did that contributed to the awesome person you are today. For example, her simple saying of , "Always put on nice, clean underwear before you leave the house because you never know if you're gonna be in an accident" could have had such an impact on your life that you adopted the habit of only wearing nice underwear. Though this may be considered a small contribution, it has helped you to become the person you are now. I am of the opinion that people who positively contributed to my life deserves a thank you.

• If you are a parent, decide what type of parent you want to be or not be by using the example of your own mother. I believe it is okay to look at people in our lives as cautionary tales and examples of what not to be . In this instance, you can honestly say your mother has taught you how to be a better parent. That's something that should be celebrated.

• If it is within your power, and it almost always is, forgive. In my opinion, releasing those who we believe has caused us damage or hurt is one of the most powerful things  we can do. The offending party no longer holds the keys to our own peace of mind. This does not mean we will forget the things that caused hurt. It simply means we are now in control of the quality of life we choose to have.

In short, Mother's Day is a joyous day of fond childhood memories and love for most people. In spite of the fact that some of us may not have a lot of fond childhood memories to fall back on, it can still be full of joy and love. Joy because we survived and made it through; and love because we were allowed to live to have a hope and a future. To that I say, thank you Mom.

Photo credit: http://flic.kr/p/3ajoov

The Beginning of Something Wonderful

Finding Your Voice: The Beginning of Something Wonderful 

Have you ever had a thought cross your mind that resonated in such a way, you knew you were on to something wonderful? Well, this happened to me the moment my fingers stoked the keyboard, as I composed the post to my very first blog! 

Born with a gift of gab, I always have something to say, whether it’s in a grocery line or while sitting in Atlanta gridlock. My mind is always full of opinions about the things in the past, present, and future. In fact, I remember a few of my elementary school teachers commenting on my report card, “Jamica is a delight but she talks too much.” Or “Jamica is a joy to the class but she talks entirely too much.” Finally, after gentle admonishments from one teacher had been unsuccessful, my patient instructor decided to get straight to the point, “Jamica is disruptive in class because she is always talking. Can we schedule a meeting?” Well, needless to say, after my mother had to take off from work to attend this “meeting”, the message became very clear, SHUT UP! However, as I mature I realize that it’s one thing to have an opinion but it’s entirely different to have a VOICE. 

Today, I found my voice and it is a brilliant and amazing thing to behold. As I type the words and they fill the pages of my computer, I am astonished by how beautiful, yet strong this voice truly is! Now that I have embraced this new found sentiment it makes me ponder something I don’t think I have before.
With that said, excuse me if I’m intruding upon your private thoughts and your guarded sense of self. But Gurl, can we talk?

How many girls and women go through life but have not found their voice? Perhaps they have found it but don’t recognize its power  because it has been cloaked or hidden away under  a parent’s philosophy, the preconceived notions of society’s ideologies, or the dogma of a spouse or partner they desperately want to please.

There could literally be hundreds of reasons why this beautiful, strong voice has not been heard. Nevertheless, there are countless opportunities for your voice to be heard. It’s never too late for a debut. Hopefully, Gurl, Can We Talk can be just one avenue. The good thing is that the possibilities are endless. Let it be the beginning of something wonderful.

Jamica Bell is a contributing author for numerous blogs and writes about various topics. She considers herself an advocate for personal growth and evolution. Originally from Atlanta, she takes pride in being an “Original Georgia Peach” and enjoys building memories with her husband of over 20 years and her children.

Photo credit:  http://flic.kr/p/6KmUX7